It’s normal to have nightmares sometimes – everyone gets them. I’ve had plenty, but it gets weird when they start happening way too often.

Digging deeper into it, I remember these waves of night harassment hit me in runs at certain intervals. Every so often they come back, and there are phases when they’re more frequent and simply won’t let me rest. I’ve had every kind of bad dream and replayed them so many times that I even learned a handy technique to keep them at bay.

When I start to suspect a dream is about to spiral into full delirium, I look for an exit door. Yeah, kind of like The Matrix — but without the phone booth or drama: just a plain door to step out of the bad dream. It took me a while to reach that solution. But after so many nightmares, I taught myself how to find those damn doors and use them.

I’ve spent many sleepless nights and every time I blinked a new terror dream woke me.”

Night Terrors.

It’s hard to fight them, sometimes pretty back-to-back- It feels brutal; in fact if I’m writing this it’s because I just had one. Many of those night terrors have stopped me from falling asleep. The moment I closed my eyes they’d rush at me like a cold wave. When I get into those nocturnal streaks of nonstop nightmares my sleeping hours take a serious hit and leave me drained.

I’ve spent many sleepless nights and every time I blinked a new terror dream woke me. After several minutes I’d fall asleep again only to wake up once more, and so it kept happening until dawn. But of all the nightmares I’ve had, today’s was somehow different from the rest. It lingered!!

A little scared, I stroked its coat and noticed a pretty big, black, hairy spider walking along its back.”

Falling deeper into the dream.

In the dream I was walking through a neighborhood I didn’t know — hard to tell exactly where. In fact, I’d say it was on the slopes of a hill, probably a poor district since there wasn’t a paved road. I had a backpack, climbing the hill along a street lined with unpainted brick houses. As I moved on I spotted a big cat, almost puma-sized, with very dark, nearly black fur.

A little scared, I stroked its coat and noticed a pretty big, black, hairy spider walking along its back. Then, the spider climbed onto my hand; I froze, waiting for it to go back to the cat’s spine and keep going. That’s exactly what happened, but I didn’t pull my arm away. I kept petting the cat, watching the spider wander off.

Before I knew it I was lying on the ground, motionless, with the spider still perched on me.”

The Girl Who Laughed.

A bit later it disappeared and I kept walking, when I heard a soft giggle — a little girl laughing. Soon after, I felt a tickle on my arm: turns out the spider had climbed back onto me without me noticing. That anxious tickling spread all over my body, until I could see it crawling between my shoulder and my arms.

The irrational part — like all proper nightmares — is that the spider was talking to me. It sounded like that little girl, and I don’t really remember what she said, only that we were talking. Before I knew it I was lying on the ground, motionless, with the spider still perched on me.

Her body then turned back into a spider, but now it was much bigger, eaten away and bald.”

Creepy transformation.

While I was scheming a way to get it off me, the spider began to change. Suddenly, It took the shape of a pretty, pale little blond who smiled a lot, with innocent eyes and a black dress. The atmosphere felt heavy and suffocating; the air seemed to press in on me. Her face shifted from sad to sepulchral, filthy, covered in sores and scars.

Her body then turned back into a spider, but now it was much bigger, eaten away and bald. I felt the tension at its climax, pulling tight in my chest. With the girl/bug on top of me I couldn’t find a door to wake through. But I did something different. I shouted at it and pitched its evil against “my own evil,” though I don’t even know why I said that.

I woke again at 3:45 a.m., and I’m still not sure whether I’d been jerked awake by another bad dream.”

Fury.

I wasn’t scared or frantic — I was angry, like my whole body had turned to lead. Maybe it was because I wanted to wake and I was stuck in that half-awake, half-asleep blur — REM. She —the girl/bug/spider— screamed at me too in voices and words I couldn’t make out. She was clawing to keep the upper hand.

Rage rose in me. And, for the first time, I can remember I actually faced the nightmare instead of hunting for an exit. I managed to wake up, but the dream’s details slipped away as I fell back asleep. I woke again at 3:45 a.m., and I’m still not sure whether I’d been jerked awake by another bad dream.

I would spot the bend where the scene would tip and slip out before it did.”

Return to the Dark.

I can’t pin down what I dreamed this time. it was another bad one, the same leaden weight pressing into my ribs. However, the spot where I woke from the spider/girl dream is foggy now; the edges of memory blur like wet ink. I’ve never written a nightmare down before, without the words half of it would evaporate. But what sticks is the taste of panic, the feeling of a body that won’t obey.

Some nightmares felt like warnings, others were pure terror that only loosened when I fought my way toward a door. Most times I learned to outrun them. I would spot the bend where the scene would tip and slip out before it did. Instead, this time the scene folded in on itself. Streets that looped, doors that led to other doors, the air thick with the sound of distant children laughing. At least no creepy little “thing” beat me in my dreams, but what I wrote still gives me the chills and leaves me wondering.

My mind tries to give them meaning while my exhausted subconscious begs me to close my eyes and sleep again.”

Rest in peace?

I’ll try to sleep. If I manage it I’ll upload this piece in a few hours; otherwise it’ll take me longer to publish it. I read online that Oneiria and Insomnia walk together but never hand in hand; I’m starting to see why. They don’t seem compatible, but when nightmares are as strong or frequent as the ones I had, they sure do.

My mind tries to give them meaning while my exhausted subconscious begs me to close my eyes and sleep again. I think I had another bad dream, so now my instinct fights those urges to lower my eyelids. I’m having a bad feeling at this hour. I’m not going to edit this post, so it stays written as I feel. — raw and honestly unfiltered.

What a scare I got — I’m lit only by the phone’s glow, exhausted and sleepy on top of it.”

Something’s shining over there…

In addition, I hear very subtle noises — buzzing and something that sounds like a few bird nests in the distance. It had to be at this hour, right when I’m writing; I’m way too sensitive. I thought about turning the light on and… FUCK! I moved my backup phone and the first thing it does is send me a notification, at the most inconvenient moment of all.

On one hand, with all that buzzing and other sounds. On the other hand, there are those fucking nightmares, so I better turn the light on. What a scare I got — I’m lit only by the phone’s glow, exhausted and sleepy on top of it. I’m also curious what those two little red lights are, glowing from the darkest corner of my room.

Meet you at the nest entry.