Rumors of a looming nuclear war are buzzing around the internet—though I don’t want to be an alarmist, I figured I’d share some practical tips on what to do if we ever find ourselves in such a dire situation.
We’ve all come across reports, discussions, or coverage in the media regarding the escalating tensions involving North Korea. It seems that the chubby Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un, is having quite a fit, unable to tolerate his own frustration. On the flip side, we’ve got Donald Trump vying to portray himself as the biggest, baddest son of a gun.
As a result, there have been threats, missile launches, alerts, and the like, bringing the possibility of a nuclear conflict into stark reality. It seems that Russia and China are keeping a close eye, ready to either capitalize on the aftermath or de-escalate the situation. Right now, the warning signs are evident, and the North Korean leader believes he can go toe-to-toe with Uncle Sam.
Consequently, all those values and morals we were taught by our elders are pushed to the back burner.”
Who has it bigger?
Honestly, I highly doubt anything like that will ever happen, but unfortunately, these two characters are crazier than a bag of cats. Both strive to be seen as serious leaders unafraid to make tough decisions. That’s enough to push the world to the brink of a new nuclear war, again.
It’s true that we live in a world full of pollution, misery, inequalities, lies, and corruption. Where nowadays, only those with more money survive, or those who steal can make it more easily. Consequently, all those values and morals we were taught by our elders are pushed to the back burner.
Donald Trump is on a quest to project an image of invincibility, even if it means steering the world toward a nuclear war.”
Who has it even bigger?
Regrettably, neither Kim Jong-un nor Donald Trump have been raised by our grandmas, so it looks like everyone should get ready to eff everything up! Rumor has it the plump Korean leader is starting to show signs of aging, but given his unpredictability, nothing is guaranteed. It seems Donald Trump is on a quest to project an image of invincibility, even if it means steering the world toward a nuclear war.
And if it does happen, it’s better to die quickly without suffering know what to do in the case of a nuclear world war, rather than grappling with the uncertainties of a global conflict. In light of this, I’ll throw in my two cents to further complicate things with some advice.
In the unlikely event of a nuclear war, this backpack could be your lifeline until you locate a bunker.”
Advice number 1.
That’s right, it can save you in case of earthquakes or landslides— the trusty backpack can be a game-changer. Just ensure it’s stashed in an easily accessible spot, ready to grab in a hurry. In the unlikely event of a nuclear war, this backpack could be your lifeline until you locate a bunker.
That’s your ticket to seclusion during a prolonged period of nuclear winter, letting the Earth cleanse itself of radioactivity. Make sure to pack it with essentials like water, canned food, battery-powered flashlights, a first aid kit, and, of course, an anti-radioactive mask. The only thing left is to find a charming girl to help repopulate the planet in the future. And hey, you can already buy that mask on eBay.
Preparing your emergency backpack is the easy part; the challenging task will be finding an underground bunker.”
Advice number 2.
Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, staying abreast of news today will promptly alert you to any imminent nuclear threat. Whether it’s North Korea initiating an attack on the US (or vice versa), you can bet you’ll be in the know. A tweet will pop up instantly, or you might hear an explosion unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.
Preparing your emergency backpack is the easy part; the challenging task will be finding an underground bunker. Chances are you’ll start digging right away, but even then, finishing in time seems doubtful. That’s why, if securing a shelter proves elusive, it’s advisable to check out my next piece of advice.
If our skin can’t handle an afternoon at the beach without turning red, imagine that radiation multiplied by a million.”
Advice number 3.
Certainly, with all these nuclear bombs here and there, the weather is bound to get pretty heated. And with the ozone layer torn to shreds by all that radiation, we’ll be at the mercy of ultraviolet rays, assuming you make it through, of course. So, it’s safe to say that casually strolling down the street won’t be as comfortable as your average day.
If our skin can’t handle an afternoon at the beach without turning red, just picture that radiation multiplied by a million. That’s why, in our emergency backpack, we should have some sunscreen bottles on hand. Of course, that’s if the radiation didn’t wreak enough havoc, like leaving you without skin or sprouting a new head.
So, no need to worry about social media chatter— there won’t be any. Say goodbye Facebook, and hello Mad Max.”
Advice number 4.
After a global nuclear attack, it’s a safe bet that one of the first casualties would be the Internet. So, no need to worry about social media chatter— there won’t be any. Say goodbye Facebook, and hello Mad Max. And if you thought the zombie apocalypse was a cause for concern, brace yourself for the post-apocalyptic survivor era.
The battle for water and food will be brutal, and if any pet rats survive, you might not have a choice but to eat them. You’ll suit up with weapons and supplies to wander around, and if you happen to come across a cockroach willing to tag along (like in Wall-E), consider yourself lucky. Surely, others will be on a similar journey, but it’s not all doom and gloom (I think); maybe you’ll run into Charlize Theron.
It’s for this reason that I hope all these news and rumors will settle down as time goes on.”
Last rites.
I’m archiving my blog onto hundreds of CDs and engraving it in stone (just in case they start burning books), so here I conclude. As I mentioned earlier, I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but they do say, ‘I’ll take any advice I can get!.’ It’s for this reason that I hope all these news and rumors will settle down as time goes on.
Ultimately, I think the bravado from both idiots sides of the aisle only amounts to that, and in the end, sanity prevails. The last thing this already poor and abused planet needs is a nuclear war that finishes tearing it apart completely. That’s why the Chinese Foreign Minister, Wang Yi, rightly said, ‘everyone loses.’
Let’s hope the threats cease, simmer down, or maybe China and Russia can nudge Jong-un to quit causing trouble on the global stage. Not that I’m cheering for Trump, but the unpredictable North Korean leader makes even Maduro seem more insignificant than he already is.
Let’s see how things unfold in the days ahead. In the meantime, keep it light and, like me, approach it all with a good sense of humor.
Meet you at the… next entry?